So this is how I felt in 2011:
On my way to work this morning I was listening to my iPod like I normally do when Linkin Park's "Leave Out All The Rest" came on. I almost skipped over it because lately I don't know what kind of mood I've been in music wise. Songs that I normally love I just don't want to listen too and songs that I normally skip I've listened too. I hit the next button and then something compelled me to go back so I did. There is one part in the song that says, "I'm strong on the outside not all the way through. I've never been perfect but neither have you." I thought how perfect this lyric was, it was exactly how I felt. People see me as this strong person when really I feel weak on the inside. There's all this stuff going on in my life and I really don't know how I am getting through it. Maybe I am stronger then what I think. And it was right I have never been perfect but really who is.
[I amazingly made it through this and you know what, I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I didn't know it then but my whole life was being tested. The amount of strength I never knew I had or felt I didn't have because I wasn't "perfect" was put right in front of me. Are there times that I don't feel strong enough, absolutely but I know deep down that I am.]
What is the definition of perfect? According to dictionary there are twenty-two definitions of perfect, so then I was left wondering is there a perfect definition of perfect. Since there was twenty-two definitions I just picked one.
Perfect: entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.
I thought about this and asked myself, "Do I know anybody that is perfect?" My answer is no, I don't. Can I think of anybody that is perfect that I don't know personally, absolutely not. So then why do we try to be the perfect person when there is no such thing. Sure there are morals and values but those differ from culture to culture and person to person. So who's right? Everyone.
This really made me think about how our society strives to be the image of this perfect person, but I have to ask where is the original image of the perfect person they are trying to be. Who says you have to be a size zero, or that your nose has to be a certain shape and size. Why are there so many people having plastic surgery to be perfect when there is no perfect person. Why does this society believe that you have to be perfect and who really determines what perfect is?
[Four years later our society still thinks it has the right to determine what is perfect when really being imperfect is the most beautiful kind of perfect.]
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Ready or Not, Life Changes
June 2014: My move to Charlotte a huge life change I was ready, I had an amazing new job in the ER that I have waited for, what seemed like forever for.
July 2014: I turned 30, um can we go back to 29? I am still can't believe I am in my 30's officially. I still feel like I'm in my mid 20's.
August 2014: Life is good I got to see my amazing friends from California and then my dad died, wait stop I wasn't ready for this.
November 2014: I have to coolest friends ever and we are family. They are the reason I strongly believe that family is about who you choose to make a part of your life.
December 2014: It took just one weekend to realize that I look pretty damn good with red lipstick and I'm a lot prettier than I ever gave myself credit for. I also realized that I am the happiest I have ever been. That the last two years may have been filled with some shitty stuff but it was filled with some pretty amazing stuff too. My move to Charlotte was a huge step in my healing process and I questioned if I was making the right decision every step of the way but it was truly the best decision I ever made. I love my job and I finally feel at home.
January 2015: Dating still sucks, hahaha I'm not sure if this part will ever change.
Monday, April 21, 2014
The moment......
I never thought I would have a moment of "I just saved someone's life." I thought I would do my job and be a part of lives being saved but never a I did that.
The assignment for the day had the patient's room split, I had one bed and the other nurse had the other bed. I was in the room taking care of my patient just doing routine patient care when the nurse tech grabbed me because she couldn't get a blood pressure on the patient. The patient was sleepy but had been all morning but definitely not the same patient I had seen days before. I checked their blood pressure and got 80's/50's barely, checked her O2 saturations, her breathing, lung sounds, grips, pupils, a full on assessment. I had the nurse tech to get the nurse that had this patient and when they walked in to room I told them what was going on and their response was oh ok well I gave the patient some pain medications earlier I am sure that is what it is. I couldn't let this go, so I got an IV set up and started a line on the patient while the nurse tech went to get the charge nurse for me. The charge nurse called the doctor got orders for fluids, change in the pain medications and that was it. I had drawn blood because I just knew the doctor would want stat labs but I was wrong. The patient had muscle twitching with all this and I felt like she really needed labs sent. I was almost positive her potassium or calcium was going to be up. I left the patient with the charge nurse and called the doctor and told him that I already had blood from when I started the line and that I felt like her labs were going to be out of sorts. He gave me orders for lab work only after re-informing me he felt like it was just pain medication. The charge nurse and I gave the patient a 500ml bolus instead of infusing the fluids at 150ml/hr because her blood pressure was getting worse and not better. The patient was still lethargic and altered. We decided that if it was the pain medication like the doctor thought it was then we needed to reverse it and reverse it quickly because our patient was not getting any better. We had the tech go find the patients actual nurse and to call the doctor for narcan orders. Which they did and the doctor agreed. We pushed the narcan and she woke up her blood pressure started getting a tiny bit better only for it to wear off. The patients blood pressure was still pretty crappy and the doctor actually came and and took a look at the patient, no new orders just run the fluids and wait. Then the labs came back with a potassium of 6, a doubled creatinine level in just two days as well as BUN. The patient was in acute renal failure and slamming her with pain medications every four hours was not helping her. New orders for fluids continuously and to monitor the patient throughout the night. After two hours of being in the patients room we turned her care back over to her nurse. I left my shift that night wondering if the patient would still be with us in the morning or if she would be transferred out. I got back that morning and the patient was still there and awake and talking. She was still confused but half way back to baseline and she was my patient for the day. The labs that were taken that morning was much improved and everything was trending back down in the right direction. I was so relieved to see that the patient was so much better than the day before. The patient in the same room later pulled me over and told me that if it wasn't for me jumping in and taking over the care of the other patient she felt like she would died. It was then that I realized she could very well be right. I could've not done anything and left it for the patient's nurse to deal with and she very well could've gotten worse. My actions potentially saved a patients life because I refused to just let it go.
Nursing instinct not everyone has it or listens to it, but I am glad I do.
The assignment for the day had the patient's room split, I had one bed and the other nurse had the other bed. I was in the room taking care of my patient just doing routine patient care when the nurse tech grabbed me because she couldn't get a blood pressure on the patient. The patient was sleepy but had been all morning but definitely not the same patient I had seen days before. I checked their blood pressure and got 80's/50's barely, checked her O2 saturations, her breathing, lung sounds, grips, pupils, a full on assessment. I had the nurse tech to get the nurse that had this patient and when they walked in to room I told them what was going on and their response was oh ok well I gave the patient some pain medications earlier I am sure that is what it is. I couldn't let this go, so I got an IV set up and started a line on the patient while the nurse tech went to get the charge nurse for me. The charge nurse called the doctor got orders for fluids, change in the pain medications and that was it. I had drawn blood because I just knew the doctor would want stat labs but I was wrong. The patient had muscle twitching with all this and I felt like she really needed labs sent. I was almost positive her potassium or calcium was going to be up. I left the patient with the charge nurse and called the doctor and told him that I already had blood from when I started the line and that I felt like her labs were going to be out of sorts. He gave me orders for lab work only after re-informing me he felt like it was just pain medication. The charge nurse and I gave the patient a 500ml bolus instead of infusing the fluids at 150ml/hr because her blood pressure was getting worse and not better. The patient was still lethargic and altered. We decided that if it was the pain medication like the doctor thought it was then we needed to reverse it and reverse it quickly because our patient was not getting any better. We had the tech go find the patients actual nurse and to call the doctor for narcan orders. Which they did and the doctor agreed. We pushed the narcan and she woke up her blood pressure started getting a tiny bit better only for it to wear off. The patients blood pressure was still pretty crappy and the doctor actually came and and took a look at the patient, no new orders just run the fluids and wait. Then the labs came back with a potassium of 6, a doubled creatinine level in just two days as well as BUN. The patient was in acute renal failure and slamming her with pain medications every four hours was not helping her. New orders for fluids continuously and to monitor the patient throughout the night. After two hours of being in the patients room we turned her care back over to her nurse. I left my shift that night wondering if the patient would still be with us in the morning or if she would be transferred out. I got back that morning and the patient was still there and awake and talking. She was still confused but half way back to baseline and she was my patient for the day. The labs that were taken that morning was much improved and everything was trending back down in the right direction. I was so relieved to see that the patient was so much better than the day before. The patient in the same room later pulled me over and told me that if it wasn't for me jumping in and taking over the care of the other patient she felt like she would died. It was then that I realized she could very well be right. I could've not done anything and left it for the patient's nurse to deal with and she very well could've gotten worse. My actions potentially saved a patients life because I refused to just let it go.
Nursing instinct not everyone has it or listens to it, but I am glad I do.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Random blogger
Ha I am so random that I totally never even wrote a body to this post.......I'm a horrible blogger.
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