A Post From The Past {Perfection}

So this is how I felt in 2011:

On my way to work this morning I was listening to my iPod like I normally do when Linkin Park's "Leave Out All The Rest" came on. I almost skipped over it because lately I don't know what kind of mood I've been in music wise. Songs that I normally love I just don't want to listen too and songs that I normally skip I've listened too. I hit the next button and then something compelled me to go back so I did. There is one part in the song that says, "I'm strong on the outside not all the way through. I've never been perfect but neither have you." I thought how perfect this lyric was, it was exactly how I felt. People see me as this strong person when really I feel weak on the inside. There's all this stuff going on in my life and I really don't know how I am getting through it. Maybe I am stronger then what I think. And it was right I have never been perfect but really who is.

[I amazingly made it through this and you know what, I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I didn't know it then but my whole life was being tested.  The amount of strength I never knew I had or felt I didn't have because I wasn't "perfect" was put right in front of me.  Are there times that I don't feel strong enough, absolutely but I know deep down that I am.]

What is the definition of perfect? According to dictionary there are twenty-two definitions of perfect, so then I was left wondering is there a perfect definition of perfect. Since there was twenty-two definitions I just picked one.

Perfect: entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings.

I thought about this and asked myself, "Do I know anybody that is perfect?" My answer is no, I don't.  Can I think of anybody that is perfect that I don't know personally, absolutely not. So then why do we try to be the perfect person when there is no such thing. Sure there are morals and values but those differ from culture to culture and person to person. So who's right? Everyone.

This really made me think about how our society strives to be the image of this perfect person, but I have to ask where is the original image of the perfect person they are trying to be. Who says you have to be a size zero, or that your nose has to be a certain shape and size. Why are there so many people having plastic surgery to be perfect when there is no perfect person. Why does this society believe that you have to be perfect and who really determines what perfect is?

[Four years later our society still thinks it has the right to determine what is perfect when really being imperfect is the most beautiful kind of perfect.]

Ready or Not, Life Changes

June 2014:  My move to Charlotte a huge life change I was ready, I had an amazing new job in the ER that I have waited for, what seemed like forever for.

July 2014:  I turned 30, um can we go back to 29?  I am still can't believe I am in my 30's officially.  I still feel like I'm in my mid 20's.

August 2014:  Life is good I got to see my amazing friends from California and then my dad died, wait stop I wasn't ready for this.  

November 2014:  I have to coolest friends ever and we are family.  They are the reason I strongly believe that family is about who you choose to make a part of your life.

December 2014:  It took just one weekend to realize that I look pretty damn good with red lipstick and I'm a lot prettier than I ever gave myself credit for.  I also realized that I am the happiest I have ever been.  That the last two years may have been filled with some shitty stuff but it was filled with some pretty amazing stuff too.  My move to Charlotte was a huge step in my healing process and I questioned if I was making the right decision every step of the way but it was truly the best decision I ever made.  I love my job and I finally feel at home.

January 2015:  Dating still sucks, hahaha I'm not sure if this part will ever change.